When plans change

is it time to let go?

Letting go of a person, a place or a goal can be really difficult. You’ve spent time invested in this person or lifestyle, or creating a clear picture in your mind as to what your next steps will look like. But what happens when plans change. I’m talking about the kind of change where you realise you no longer want what you once desired.

It was toward the very end of December 2022 and my plans had changed. I struggled with the thought of letting go of the plans I had made. I tried to think of all the reasons why letting go would not be a good idea, including the people I would disappoint and the possibilities I would never see.

It was a tug of war between remaining where I was and choosing to embrace the changes that would take me to where I truly needed to be. Deep down in my heart I knew which side had to win. I realised that holding onto plans that I had outgrew was not even a safe option, it was a dangerous one.

When plans change, it can be a very refining and isolating experience. It may require you to get to know yourself in new ways that stretch you and challenge you. It may mean that people misunderstand you, are disappointed in you or even punish you for choosing what’s best for you. But one thing I learnt about this process is that change is for you, not for other people.

Changing may have positive flow on effects to places and people but sometimes change rocks the boat. It can take you and others by surprise. But like a plane that is about to take off, sometimes you only get one final boarding call to your destination.

It came to a point where I realised that for me, closure was not needed to move forward. Looking for closure would actually hold me back. Oftentimes, looking for closure had led me into feeling pressured into backing out of what I truly wanted to do or say. So this time I had to trust myself. I had to choose myself. No matter what.

For years there had been so many things I had wanted to do but had not done them yet because I had been in a state of de-prioritising my own needs. I now felt challenged to do something that would make me happy each day.

It could have been the most simplest thing like a solo trip to the café but I wanted to enjoy every single part of my day. I realised that the time to start doing the things that felt truly aligned was now. And so day by day, I proactively chose to open myself up to this new reality I wanted to create for myself.

This week’s newsletter was inspired by recent reminders I have been encountering to let go of what I thought my life would be.

Going into the new year I told myself that it was okay to not know exactly how every area of my life would turn out. But what I did come to know was that instead, I could set intentions, act accordingly, and have faith.

When they say “nobody’s coming to save you” (and I’m talking about people of this world not coming to save you) it really is true. Waking up every day for me became more about waking up to a bigger purpose, a bigger mission that I had to boldly claim, rather than merely waking up again to just go through the motions and expect things to magically fall into place. This community that we are creating comes back to two fundamental questions:

what life do I want to live?

how can I create this life?

Because life truly is too short to not be authentic to who you are and what you truly care about. I’m finding more and more that without making myself aware of this daily, I easily forget. And I think this is true for many of us.

Sitting in traffic in the back of a bolt in Accra, Ghana. Windows down, the stereo playing either gospel, Afrobeat, or a live sermon. Hearing the relentless beeps of the drivers and watching the weaving in and out of other cars. Reflecting back on these car rides, I thought about how plans can change.

We can be going right and then decide we need to go left.

We could set an appointment for 10 am and then suddenly, we need to pick up the phone and reschedule for 12 pm.

We could want to order jollof rice with grilled chicken but we find out only fried rice is available that day. I mean you can either settle for the fried rice or find another restaurant where you can get jollof but you get my point.

I’m using these more trivial examples but the stakes can be much higher.

We get into relationships and then for different reasons, we decide we need to leave them.

We think by a certain age I’ll achieve “a, b and c” but then along the way we decide we’re content with “x, y and z”.

We think we’ll live in a certain place forever, but then an exciting opportunity calls us elsewhere and we leave what felt familiar.

We set our hearts on achieving a particular job in a certain industry, but then we discover years in that our talents and skills can be applied in a different context.

We say, “I’m this or that”, but then we experience more of life and come to know that our attitudes, interests and feelings can change.

We think we’ll be close with that friend for the foreseeable future, but then we change and as a result we realise that we no longer connect over what we used to with that person.

Sometimes plans change under circumstances out of our control.

This post is more about you being the one to change the plans you made because you no longer align with them. We can try to fit the square peg in the round hole. We can try to ignore the elephant in the room. But eventually we have to face the truth.

And indeed that truth can set us free.

In fact we can take a sigh of relief that we don’t have to force situations or plans that don’t bring out the best in us, at least anymore. Because we can also honour the good intentions from which the plans we initially made were birthed from.

When I look at these photos of myself, at different times but across the same period of transition and change I experienced (and am still in), I smile. I smile because I recognise that in these photos I was making changes that brought out the best in me.

I smile because I recognise that the smile I was wearing was genuine, it wasn’t a mask.

I smile because I recognise that I was allowing myself to have fun. I was trying different hairstyles, visiting amazing locations and embracing my youth rather than missing out on it.

And I smile because I recognise that it took courage to be honest with myself and others, that plans had in fact changed.

I want to take this opportunity to encourage anyone that feels caught between remaining where you are and choosing to embrace the changes that would take you to where you truly need to be.

This is something that is very personal and there are many things to be considered. I don’t want to minimise the very real difficulties that change can bring and the importance of making thoughtful decisions.

But what I will say is that deep down in your heart, you know what is best for you. Our intuition is a gift. It is a guide. Maybe change won’t come today. But if you truly want to live in who you were created to be, a way can be made.

I will be sharing 3 ways I knew it was time for me to move on during this period in a bonus video that may be of service 🧡.

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