Making a difficult decision?

Seek wise counsel

Proverbs 12:15

The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.

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In one of my early posts called I’m moving back to my village, I described how, in Ghana, I experienced a deep shift in my thoughts and feelings toward myself and my life. I wrote:

It can be scary to be confronted by such thoughts and feelings, especially because they can make you start questioning everything. These thoughts and feelings were like an echo or a voice that starts off soft and then gradually grows louder, demanding attention. I knew some difficult decisions lay ahead if I stopped living on autopilot. Changes would be inevitable. I was afraid.

I want to share how I actually was able to eventually make these difficult decisions and changes that I knew were necessary for my growth - seeking wise counsel.

How many of us have at least one person in our lives who we can trust to provide us with wise counsel about challenging decisions we face?

What is it about them that makes you see them in this way?

Perhaps they have provided you with sound advice in the past and taking their guidance on board helped you achieve a good outcome. Or maybe they have known you for a long time and they have earned your trust and respect by telling you what you need, rather than what you want, to hear.

What I want to focus on is the importance of having this wise counsel in our lives, especially when making difficult decisions.

There is a Proverb among the Akan peoples of Ghana which says:

Woforo dua pa a na yepia wo

It is when you climb a good tree that we push you.

Left: Adinkra symbol “Woforo dua pa a na yepia wo,” meaning “It is when you climb a good tree that we give you a push,” symbolising support given for a worthy cause. Right: Adinkra symbol "Ti koro nko agyina," meaning "One head (or person) does not hold council," symbolising inclusion of more than one perspective in decision-making. Source: Adinkra Symbols & Meanings (2016-2020).

Another Akan Proverb says:

Ti koro nko agyina

One head (or person) does not hold council.

The Adinkra symbols above represent these two Proverbs respectively and provide a powerful insight into why seeking wise counsel is beneficial.

Scripture also gives us wisdom. Proverbs 12:15 tells us:

The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.

The overarching point I want to make is that when you have a *trusted* person or people that you can seek counsel from, it is a good idea to consider consulting them when faced with a difficult decision.

These are people who genuinely care about you and your wellbeing, and want to see you living your life in the best way possible (hence the use of the term *wise* counsel).

So when you face a dilemma or you’re unsure of how you should move forward in a particular area of your life, can you say that you have such a person or people to turn to?

One piece of advice that I received about seeking counsel however, is that you should not simply delegate your decision-making responsibility to others. Especially when the decision you are facing is a difficult one, in that it could change your life in a significant way.

You want to make sure that you are not allowing outside voices to cloud your judgment.

Nevertheless, there will be times where you will need input from a source other than yourself. It can be difficult to assess situations objectively and honestly when so much seems to weigh on our decision.

We determine in our minds what details we want to take into account and what parts of the situation we’d rather overlook.

This can make us unaware or ignorant of certain factors that should be taken into account.

This is where wise counsel comes in.

We don’t just have friends and other trusted types of relationships in our lives for decoration. Accountability is and should be an important component in our relationships.

What account can we give for the decisions we are making?

Who can hold us to account for the decisions we make?

Wise counsel will remind you of your values. Wise counsel will remind you of the bigger picture. Wise counsel will remind you of who they know you to be.

I think there is definitely an art to delivering wise counsel, including maintaining a balance between challenging the person to face the tougher realities of the situation, but also allowing the person to come to their own decision.

But what is important is that you as the decision-maker can make an informed and considered decision.

After making a difficult decision, even with wise counsel, you can seriously question whether your decision was the right one.

I recently came across a quote that said: it’s okay to feel sad after making the right decision.

What I take from this is that oftentimes, difficult but necessary decisions will, in the short-term, leave us with some level of uncertainty and doubt. I definitely experienced this in Ghana when I was making a few difficult decisions.

So giving the decision-making process the level of care and consideration it deserves can help us to sit with the uncomfortability of it all a little easier.

I want to speak to anyone who is feeling guilty or shameful or sad or regretful about a decision you have made and encourage you to speak to a trusted person about what you are feeling.

Wise counsel isn’t just for the time leading up to making a difficult decision. It is also for dealing with the aftermath of making one.

Here are some prompts for navigating making difficult decisions:

☁️ how do I feel about this situation?

☁️ what would my ideal outcome be?

☁️ who in my life do I trust that I could seek wise counsel from?

☁️ what will be the short-term consequences if I decide x? what will be the short term-consequences if I decide y?

☁️ what decision is in my best, long-term interests?

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Bonus video

I’m excited to share with you a bonus video this week! If you find it difficult to ask for help and even accept help this video is worth a watch. We cover:

➰why people don’t ask for help

➰the benefits of asking for help

➰ how we can ask for help

Thank you to our community member

DELASI

for the inspiration behind this video!

Keep in touch

Look out for this week’s weekly discussion thread if you want to chat further & follow the @adjoainghana Instagram for more content and Ghana adventures.

If you would like to swap notes, thoughts or experiences, you are welcome to get in touch.

Thank you for reading!

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Medaase paa. Thank you for being here. Your presence is truly appreciated.