5 Comments
Aug 28, 2023Liked by Adjoa

I definitely still struggle with this but what really helped me is to understand the matter of my heart. I realised when I “people pleased” I ended up resenting this people because I know I went against my gut. So in short, I’ve learned to stand firm on my gut feeling, even if I don’t outwardly say no (because that’s my struggle), I will find a way to avoid resentment.

Expand full comment
author

Understanding the matter of my heart - I have never thought of it like this before. Standing firm is not easy but it is definitely the best decision we can make for our hearts and minds. Thank you for sharing Vanessa 🧡!

Expand full comment
founding
Aug 26, 2023Liked by Adjoa

By meditating on God’s word. To be honest clarity of one’s God-given purpose helps us see our value, and once we know our value we won’t indulge in anything that will devalue us in order to please people. So yes, in summary knowing our value. That we are immensely valuable in God’s eyes. 🙏🏽✨

Expand full comment
author

Thank you so much Dela for sharing this. What a reminder! "Clarity of one's God-given purpose." And that part about knowing our value. So much we can draw from this 🧡.

Expand full comment
author

I've come across some really good talks on this topic of people-pleasing as well as quotes and one thought I've drawn from among these many resources is that people-pleasing is dishonest. Dishonest to ourselves. And dishonest to others. Quite confronting! But I thought this was a very good way of helping us to see that the short-term "benefit" of avoiding discomfort is actually a mirage. And the costs to us end up being much greater and so a "no" or a decision to not engage with a request that is not aligned is actually worth it. I also once was told by someone that if you're fearful of doing something (like saying no), countdown from 3 and then act in your best interests (e.g. say no).

Expand full comment