3 people that can change your life

and 3 people that changed mine

The post last week on the secret to everything you are looking for was really about recognising that we are the ones who will make our dreams come true.

This week I want to revisit something in particular that will help us frame this week’s conversation starter. Last week I wrote …

We can be tempted to change important parts of ourselves to be more liked by others or seemingly more valuable. And I think a big consideration here is a real fear of being rejected if we show up in the world as who we truly are.

I also wrote …

I had a friend send me a video on rejection last week and the lessons from it were really powerful that I want to devote more time to ponder on what I learnt so that I can write some reflections to share with you

Rather than solely focus on rejection I thought it would be helpful to include the topic of rejection within the context of describing 3 people that I encountered during my travels in Ghana.

Now to be clear, these 3 people aren’t only found in Ghana. They can be found anywhere. I have certainly met people like these 3 in other places and in other phases of my life.

So think of these 3 people more as symbols and representations of broader themes that you are likely to encounter or have already encountered.

Remember that it is very likely we are also these people to others.

1) The person you choose to let go

Some friendships and relationships don’t last forever.

Probably one of the most difficult truths I’ve had to accept. I’m sure many of us have been in situations where we imagined certain people being in our lives for a long time and then for one or more reasons - changed circumstances, personal growth, divergent values - we’ve decided to let them go.

And it doesn’t just have to be one person. It could be multiple people. It could even be entire groups or communities to which you once belonged.

Letting go doesn’t always mean your relationship with the person was a negative one. Sometimes it’s just for reasons that are completely our own.

Sometimes the person allows us to go with peace, other times, we encounter a lot of resistance.

I believe this kind of person teaches us bravery. This kind of person teaches us trust.

This kind of person changes our life because we learn to have grace for ourselves; to see that we can rebuild and blossom even though it can feel like things are falling apart.

We learn from this person to not allow fear, guilt or shame to bury who we know ourselves to be.

2) The person that lets go of you

Nod, wave, raise your hand or mentally make a note if you have been rejected by someone you trusted, admired, respected, liked or wanted to get to know on a deeper level.

Oooo that can be a painful experience.

Another difficult truth I’ve had to accept is that not everyone is going to like you or connect with you.

And no matter how much harder you try, no matter what you say and no matter what clever strategies you try to think of, that person pulls away.

In fact all of your trying just drives them further away.

I’ve been there so I’m nodding, waving, raising my hand and mentally making a note.

Now, back to that video on rejection. In the video, Nona Jones identified 4 lessons we can learn from rejection:

• The gift of rejection positions you for purpose

• The gift of rejection reveals people’s roles in your destiny

• The gift of rejection anchors your identity

• The gift of rejection draws you nearer to God

I believe this kind of person teaches us to choose ourselves, value ourselves and respect ourselves, regardless of their acceptance or rejection. This kind of person teaches us confidence.

This kind of person changes our life because we learn to shift desperate energy into receiving energy.

Look for the lesson this person taught you while they were in your life. See them as gifts. This will shift your attitude to gratitude. They left you but they left you with a lesson.

3) The person that shows you who you can be

Create a mental picture of what the best version of yourself looks like.

Now think of a person that encourages you, whether they realise it or not, to be that version of yourself.

You feel safe to share your dreams with them and not just your ‘socially acceptable’ goals.

Even when you try to talk down your ideas they see the vision and encourage you to keep going.

Think of this person as a kind of reflector. They shine back at you the essence of who you truly are.

You don’t leave their presence feeling drained but instead energised and hopeful about the past, present and future.

I believe this kind of person teaches us how to heal the parts of ourselves that expect the worst.

This kind of person teaches us to challenge our own limiting beliefs. This person teaches us what love looks like.

This kind of person accepts us for who we are. They can offer constructive feedback but don’t judge us.

This kind of person changes our life because they teach us that anything is possible.

As Kwame Nkrumah said -

“We face neither East nor West; We face forward.”

Some things don’t last forever and that’s okay. Face forward.

Sometimes we get rejected and that’s okay too. Face forward.

And there are people who will transform our lives in the best possible way because they help us to see that who we are is enough. So move forward with confidence.

Rather than hold onto shame, guilt or feelings of unworthiness, let’s try to face forward, taking with us the lessons learnt from the different people we encounter.

It’s often true that what we thought didn’t work out actually did.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

~

Let’s keep the conversation going. Comment below 1, 2 or 3 for the description that most resonates with you.

1 = The person you choose to let go

2 = The person that lets go of you

3 = The person that shows you who you can be

Also feel free to comment below other kinds of people we can encounter along this journey of life 🧡. There’s definitely more.

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Q&A now live

Want to find out more about Ghana, life and other things. Check out the first adjoainghana Q&A here. Exclusive for adjoainghana substack subscribers. Thank you to everyone who sent in questions 🧡.

Recommendations

To see rejection from a new perspective, watch/listen to Nona Jones’ video below ⬇️:

For a reminder about why you are One of One, watch/listen to DeVon Franklin’s message below ⬇️:

Keep in touch

Look out for this week’s weekly discussion thread if you want to chat further & if you want to see more content from Ghana follow @adjoainghana (by request. kindly dm that you are coming from the adjoainghana newsletter.)

If you would like to swap notes, thoughts or experiences, you are welcome to get in touch.

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