What love are you seeking?
The Four Types of Love
Cover image credit: Pinterest.
I was doing my version of planning for 2024, and I came across this tool called the Wheel of Life. To my surprise (actually, it was not a surprise at all), Partner & Love came out as one of my top 3 focus areas.
Now, you may be thinking, Adjoa, that sounds a bit desperate. And I can’t even lie to you, IT IS.
Now I’ve been going through a HUGE shift in my understanding of what love truly means and how love is presently showing up in my life.
I’m being called to seek non-romantic love in this season.
When I first received this divine impression, I was in denial.
I kept thinking that because I circled the Partner & Love category, I should be concerned about finding my man before the end of 2024.
Now, you may be thinking, Adjoa, that sounds a bit desperate. And I can’t even lie to you, IT IS.
I WAS DESPERATE to find romantic love as soon as humanly possible. And while I still have my moments where I think, wouldn’t it be nice if … for the first time in a long time, (and I mean like 8 years, give or take), romantic love is not the love I’m seeking.
Typically, I’d never say that because well, if you say you’re not seeking something then you likely won’t find it.
But I’m at the point where I don’t care.
If you happen to be my future husband reading this, just know that I don’t care until you care.
But now to you and for the part of this blog post that may actually be useful to you …
There’s an amazing new community of creatives called Passionfroot and in one of their posts they speak about the importance of labelling your seasons.
Sending love to the Passionfroot team Evin, Darcie, Max and Mel 💌.
And so, to adapt this idea of labelling your seasons to the topic of love, why don’t you learn more about the love that you are being called to nurture in this season.
It may help in this process to identify the specific benefits that different types of love hold so that you realise every kind of love, while different, holds opportunities and also risks.
To get you started, let’s briefly review C. S. Lewis’s Four Types of Love as set out in his book The Four Loves (1960):
Agape - spiritual
In the Biblical context, agape love is supreme because it derives from choice and you do not have to be deserving of it.
No conditions are required.
It is the love freely given to us by the Divine Creator, providing restorative healing.
Agape is also roughly translated to charity and within the Greek language connotes empathy and kindness toward all humanity. Agape love goes beyond providing material things to a person.
With agape, the focus is on the highest good of the subject.
It cannot be affected by emotions but is a willing love.
The offeror does not expect anything in return, embodying a boundless, committed and sacrificial love.
To display this kind of love toward others, we need Divine help, and so a relationship with the Creator is essential because it doesn’t come naturally to us.
Eros - romantic
Eros includes romantic and sexual love, its root word being erotic.
Eros describes the passion and preoccupation lovers feel toward each other, their absorption with one another.
It can be dangerous where passion is mistaken for love, leading one to believe that without passion, there is not love.
True romance goes beyond a feeling.
You become interested in the needs of another person, you are no longer preoccupied only with self.
Romantic love can be modelled on agape love, making two people strive for unconditional love toward each other.
Philia - friendship
According to Lewis, in ancient times, friendship appeared the happiest of all loves.
Friendship love must have a purpose, it must be “about something” and sees two people drawn together through shared interests.
“Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers,” says Lewis.
This is why some of the greatest contributions to humanity have been birthed through friendship.
Compared to romantic love, friendship love is often not held in the same esteem.
However, in the Biblical context, it is said that there is no greater way to love than to give your life for your friends.
Lewis says that friendship is “the crown of life and the school of virtue.” He also says that “few value it because few experience it.”
Did anyone else feel that?
Some reasons why friendship may not be highly valued is because:
It takes time that is perceived to be better used elsewhere
It is not celebrated as much as the other loves
We feel we can live without it
Storge - affection
According to Lewis, affection is a humble love and can be experienced in combination with other loves.
It provides a sense of belonging and grows from familiarity, for example, within a family or at school.
This love fills our lives the most and is present in our everyday.
We can receive this love in our most humble state, hence its description as a humble love.
Affection can be taken for granted but it is very powerful.
Powerful words on love …
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
Wow.
Would you risk the breaking of love for the beauty of it?
Happy learning.
Let’s embrace and maximise the season of love we find ourselves in.
***
References:
What Does Agape Love Really Mean in the Bible?
Adjoasperspective is a publication on wellness, designed to help you thrive in all areas of your life.
In the month of February, I’m exploring love over on my YouTube channel. Not entirely original, and perhaps even a bit *cringy* as I think Valentine’s Day is in many ways. Please excuse my reductive association between February and Valentine’s Day. Unless I’ve been asked out to dinner, in which case, no, Valentine’s Day is not cringe and yes, I’d love to have dinner with you.