don't be in a rush
reflections from a wedding guest
Depending on your instagram algorithm, you may be familiar with pages like bellanaijaweddings and menscookgh showing exquisite pictures of newly wedded couples and luxury wedding event catering. There was a time when my explore page was filled with Ghanaian and Nigerian traditional weddings and though wedding bells were not ringing in my own life, I was living vicariously through this content.
In Ghana, weddings are very significant occasions and although ceremonies can vary between different religious and ethnic groups, the importance that is given to marriage is transcendent. When I visited the National Museum of Ghana, there was a section that displayed a sign about ‘The Rites of Passage’ and on it was written:
The life of a human being is a cycle of development processes that involve stages from birth, puberty, marriage through to death. Each stage of the cycle comes with a transformation that is celebrated. In Ghana, ceremonial rites performed mark each transitional stage of this cycle. These rites are known as rites of passage.
I know Ghana is not unique in this conceptualisation of the stages of human life, which goes to show how deeply embedded the institution of marriage is within our world.
Growing up, weddings intrigued me as I hardly went to any and up until going to Ghana, I had never been part of a traditional Ghanaian bridal party. And so when I was invited to be part of one, I was so excited! The bridal shower, dress fittings, getting ready on the big day and being in close proximity to the bride throughout the various ceremonies were all firsts for me. Read to the end for photo content!
I think what I loved the most about the experience was of course the traditions that have been passed down over generations but also the emotional rollercoaster that comes with such big events. There was laughter, frustration, tears and many expressions of support for the married couple.
I had been a wedding guest at a different ceremony about a week prior to this one and my attendance at these events came at a time in my life where I was learning how to live in the present moment. I have spoken in a previous post about finding joy in the in-between moments of life and for me, being a wedding guest and part of a bridal party gave me the opportunity to do just that.
I was not the same person that, some months prior, had been avidly liking and saving posts of wedding gowns and Ghanaian traditional wedding set-ups. Not that this was of itself a bad thing but it was coming from a place of wanting to be a bride without really knowing if that was what I actually wanted at that point in time.
You may or may not relate to this in the sense of marriage, but this can apply to a whole range of other situations. The common thread is a longing for something not presently had.
But have we stopped to ask ourselves why is it that I currently don’t have [insert your answer here]? Another fundamental question we should ask of ourselves is is this what I actually want for myself right now?
You may not have what you want right now because it simply isn’t the right time. Or it could be that if you had what you wanted, you would be settling for good enough rather than more than enough.
Part of the reason I found myself wanting to be a bride (without really wanting to be a bride at that point in time) was because I was consuming wedding content online that made me fall in love with the idea rather than the reality. Again this applies to many other things in life and I think this gives rise to a necessary caution. You may not have what you want right now because it simply isn’t the right time. Or it could be that if you had what you wanted, you would be settling for good enough rather than more than enough.
Have patience.
Rushing into something that seems attractive right now may give rise to poor decision-making and rob you of something that would have been a blessing to you if you had waited for the appointed time.
It could also be that if you had what you wanted right now, you would get distracted from what you are really supposed to be doing. Walking in your purpose.
Sometimes what we seek does not come easy. Or it could. I am still learning these lessons. But what I know for sure (as Oprah says) is that when we spend more time wishing for another stage of life to hurry up and arrive, we miss out on learning the lessons that are required to be learnt for our next season of life.
Let us be intentional about what we ask for.
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