Day 5 | Goodbyes
9 DAYS NO FEAR challenge
Yesterday, on day 4 we began identifying helpful and perhaps very simple tools that we can use to move through our fear and get us closer to the person waiting for us on the other side. I pray that the chains that may be weighing you down can be broken through the tools you identified yesterday so that you can pursue divine direction, mission and opportunities.
Today, I want to write to encourage you about a topic I am very passionate about and have had personal experience in -
Saying goodbye.
I’m not talking about farewells in the context of people passing on, but in the context of deliberate choices to let go of habits, mindsets, people and places etc that are delaying our next steps.
If you’d like to get a deeper insight into my recent experience with making such choices, you can read my piece on saying goodbye: reinventing myself here.
I’m actually in the middle of a goodbye of sorts and I know surely I am not the only one. It is certain that in some point in your life, you have had to or will have to let go of someone or something.
The pain and the fear that these goodbyes can give rise to is in some cases almost to great to bear. And that is why it can be easier to hold onto people, situations or things in our lives beyond their expiry date.
We are afraid of the change.
We are afraid of the loss.
We don’t want to grieve.
I was reading about grief last night in a book called Happiness is a lifestyle by Frank Minirth, a psychiatrist who blended the Christian faith with mental healthcare. There was one line that stood out to me and it said …
Grieving our losses, abandonment, or abuse, and grieving what never was - affection, love, time, tenderness, nurturing, bonding, or security - is essential.
Woah.
That was an aha moment for me.
Because some of us need to say goodbye to what never was.
The love that was never reciprocated.
The opportunity that never came to be.
The outcome that never happened.
The apology we never received.
The fear of letting go and saying goodbye can sometimes be about our fear of facing a new reality.
But often that new reality is far better than what we could imagine.
I believe there is Someone who is ready to make all things work for our good but we need to be willing to embrace the new thing that God is going to do in our life.
A thing which is far more than we could ever imagine or guess or request in our wildest dreams.
But this new thing that is good for us is not going to be forced upon us. Thrusted into our lives without us asking for it.
No.
As Shyla Melwani, author of Euphoric Living and my personal friend, writes:
One of the most liberating things I have ever realised is that everything is a choice … The right choice is clear, and the choice is yours … why not consciously choose to make physically healthy, emotionally healthy, and intellectually healthy choices? … The key to making healthy choices is to respect your future self … Make sure [your] choices take you in the direction you want for your life.
So choose my friend.
Decide to make a choice.
A choice that may involve saying goodbye to someone or something that is no longer contributing to your expansion and progression in life.
Now I’m not saying to make any hasty decisions. But what I am saying is that as part of this 9 DAYS NO FEAR challenge I want to challenge myself and anyone else who may need it to seriously become aware if you no longer belong in a world or story you have allowed to be created.
If I say goodbye to this friend, everyone will hate me.
If I leave this job that makes me miserable, I’ll never be successful.
If I allow myself to be happy, I’ll make my friend feel insecure.
If I leave my partner, I will never find love again.
If I stop seeking comfort in those unhealthy foods, I will have nothing to comfort me.
If I move away from this place I’ve grown so comfortable in, something bad will happen to me.
If I say no to this person, I will never be accepted, approved of or wanted.
If I disappoint this person, I will be a failure.
[Insert your own fear-based story/world here].
Joyce Meyer says in her book Approval Addiction …
Once you develop a pattern of pleasing people out of fear, it takes a genuine step of faith to break the pattern.
She couldn’t be more right.
Because for some of us, the fear we are allowing to control us is the fear of what other people will think of us or the fear of going against what another person wants for our life.
Now, with this all being said, I want to give us an opportunity to really achieve what the 9 DAYS NO FEAR challenge is all about.
Listening to the still small voice to discover what it truly is that we want.
I want to give us an opportunity today to lean into our intuition, to dust off the cover of our own storybook and open up to the truth of what we are being called to do.
Now perhaps you’re not fully ready to make a decision today, and that’s totally fine. Because it is very important that you are not forced into making a decision against your will. You must be willing to decide to let go. To say goodbye and to move forward.
There are some stand out examples in my own life where I was not ready in a specific moment to let go. But a seed was planted. Either through the wise words of a loved one or mentor, or answers that were revealed through spending time in quiet reflection.
I hope today, this piece can offer you that. A seed. Or maybe a mirror.
If you look into this mirror. Into the face of the person that is currently holding onto that person, situation or thing …
Are they truly happy?
Are they truly healthy?
Are they truly at peace?
Or are they …
Wearing a mask? A mask that is hiding how they truly feel about the person, situation or thing?
Be encouraged my friend. There is life after the letting go.
With love and straight from the heart,
Adjoa 🧡
DO YOU NEED PRAYER?
I personally commit this challenge to Jehovah God in prayer because I can do nothing without Him. One of my favourite names for God is Jehovah Jireh meaning “The Lord will Provide.” And I believe the Lord will provide for you in your situation.
This is completely optional but if you would like me to add you to my personal prayer list I will pray for you everyday of this challenge. If you would like me to just pray generally for you I can do that. If you want me to pray more specifically for something you are placing your hope in the One Above for, I can do that too. All you have to do is direct message me on instagram to create a safe space and impose no pressure.
Regardless, I hope you will meet me here everyday for the next 9 DAYS. It’s my birthday in 9 DAYS also and so I will be sharing a special gift with each participant of the challenge at the end 🎁. Details of how to receive your gift will be given on DAY 9.
Thank you so much for all your support.
You are treasured.
You are special.
You have a purpose in this world.
Never forget that.